Thanks again everybody. Details for episode 2 will be announced shortly!
At 11PM tonight on Comedy Central, the long awaited return of John Oliver’s NY Stand Up Show is finally here kicking off a whole new season of great stand up from Paul F. Tompkins, Pete Holmes, Jamie Lee, Thomas Lennon, James Adomian, Morgan Murphy, Ron Funches, Rory Scovel, Sara Schaefer, Seth Herzog, Brooke Van Poppelen, Nick Turner, Joe Zimmerman, Dan Soder, and more.
Basically, don’t miss out.
My love life is under review, so I’m keeping things “casual”. Not to imply I want just sex. I want dinners and farmer’s markets and ROMANCE god damnit! (…and sex)
In keeping with casual-ness, I’ve started experimenting with the infamous Portland Poly-Guy aka the PPG. You can identify a PPG online right away… “I’m in a loving relationship with _____ and I’m looking for an additional partner for bicycling and long walks.” There are plenty of books and opinions why these types of relationships work or don’t work. I’m no scholar. Just a scrappy, single gal looking for romance… and dinner. AND logic says if you date a few PPGs at a time, your romantic dinners will grow exponentially.
Although Portland has been abundant with PPGs for a while, the national mainstream have recently become aware of Poly lifestyles with popular advocates such as Kanye West, who sings about it in his raps. (I’ve enjoyed many a giggle visualizing Yeezus reading “the Ethical Slut.”)
How did I become so open minded? I WAS TRICKED. I met a boy on OKCupid and he fucking CRUSHED our first date; sparkling conversation and a vietnmese soup joint on 82nd. Right up my alley. Tripe is to food nerds what babe ruth is to sports fans… probably. After soup date, we went to my apartment to smoke hash and make out.
I paused between smooches and, for some reason, I ask “Hey are you into monogamy?” And he’s like: Yeah totally, well, not SEXUALLY, no. Yeah, of course that’s a given for you PPG.
In the past, that would have been an instant deal-breaker for me. But in my old age (I’m 29), I’ve realized I need to make my dating pool bigger! And get some really excellent pool noodles… if you know what I mean. (those plastic things you play with in a pool)
My PPG is a cute, smart, Portland, creative-type; what does he create? I don’t know, websites, or music or art or something. He has a girlfriend, I think. She’s also a PPG (Portland Poly Girl, obvi). He mentions her casually in conversation when it’s relevant, and it doesn’t bother me. Because this guy isn’t MINE, but he is a good kisser and we do share a lot of values.
Conclusion: I’m enjoying myself… and he is too, cause I’m great! This seems to be a lifestyle for people who have the belief that they themselves are great. Which is probably why Poly folks are widely loathed. No one likes a confident person who is having more sex then you are.
I guess technically I am now a PPPG: Pre-Poly Portland Girl. I’m ALMOST one of THOSE people. Don’t hate me because I get laid more than you. SERIOUSLY PLEASE DON’T HATE ME! I’m just trying to love everybody.
Bri Pruett. Xander Deveaux’s Album Taping. Hawthorne Hideaway. 06/20/13. Photo by Jason Traeger.
This photographer is amazing for getting me in profile with just one chin. Thanks Jason!
Bri Pruett. Brody Theater. 06/12/13. Photo by Jason Traeger.
Hey it’s me! Thanks Jason
Internet dating. We’ve all done it. It’s a socializing style unto itself, with it’s own taboos and mores. Actually it’s basically a total fucking free for all. Because it’s anonymous, folks are free to act like total shitheads… but it ain’t all bad or I would’ve given it up years ago.
Here’s one example of what I’m talking about:
Dude: Hey, I like your pictures! It’s so cool that you’re a comedian.
Me: Why thank you. Hello, I’m Bri
Dude: Hi I’m ____. So what are your plans for the day?
Me: Oh, I’m doing some writing before work and then after work I have a meeting and some open mics for comedy.
Dude: Wow, so busy, I guess we won’t have time to hang out. :P (*)
Me: Oh, yeah def not today. This whole week isn’t great actually. You could ask me out for next week though!
Dude: Oh I’m better at meetups than traditional man/woman gender concept dating.
Me: uh… I’m just busy dude.
HEY PORTLAND GUYS! I’m glad you’re feminists, I’m glad you’re oddballs and I’m glad you march to the beat of your own drum; a drum that you made when you spent a year living in Turkey while you were on tour with Sigur Ros (or whatever the fuck thing you are passionate about). BUT, dating is the process of TWO people kicking it and it’s not “original” or “cool” not ask me to dinner because of your aversion to normalcy.
I love dinner. How dare you.
*He really put that emoticon in there. No judgements emoticon fans. I’m a bit proud that as I was transcribing this interaction I had to think for a minute about how to create that stupid face with a tongue sticking out.
If you stick your tongue out at me in person I will slap your face.
Thanks for listening, I love you,